Without understanding how and why it happens, we inadvertently recreate the very dynamics we abhorred from our childhood, and pin our unmet needs from the past, and the expectations we have about intimacy, onto our partner(s), instead.
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Reflecting on my life thus far, it’s become clear to me that almost all of my suffering has come from two singular factors.
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My mom and I had a rough go of it for the first 33 years of my life. We saw eye to eye on very little and generally didn’t understand one another. Read on to learn how we healed our relationship.
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We must replace the belief that those who aren't perfect deserve to be punished immediately with something more constructive. We've got to stop blaming people for not being good enough.
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We think shadow is the opposite of light, but it's not. Without light there is no shadow.
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How do we navigate the inevitable panic that comes from opening? What needs to happen before we can truly ascend toward god?
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How do you know if you’re actually the one who is emotionally unavailable? And when you figure that out, what do you do about it?
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Most feelings last about 90 seconds from the onset of nervous system activation. But are there cases where that’s not true? What happens then?
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I've been in a very intense process the past two and a half months, writing my talk for this TED Talk coming up in a couple weeks in Chicago. And the intensity had way less to do with TED than it did with emotional barriers I bypassed when I was 19.
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What is emotional evacuation, why and under what circumstances do we do it, and how do we break this pattern so that we can finally begin living the expanded, radiant lives we are here to live?
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What’s the difference between the necessary violations of our childhood and the unnecessary but often perpetuated self-violation of our adulthood, and what’s needed to disrupt this pattern from occurring?
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It’s easy to trick ourselves into believing we’ve healed simply because we’ve learned to masterfully control our external environment and have a good understanding of why we do what we do. But the proof is in the pudding: true healing has happened when you no longer get activated by old patterns.
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Most people are sure they’re being authentic when they’re actually not. Where do you lie on this spectrum? Are you expressing all parts of yourself, or only some?
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We have disdain for denial, but it’s a necessary part of the process of tapping into post-traumatic growth.
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It’s foolish to think we’re not all connected through the earth in a space that exists beyond time.
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Thinking that a boundary means withholding your love and putting up a protective barrier is a fallacy. You can't take away love from someone else.
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When we see our partners or potential suitors as projects, we create the very thing we’re trying to prevent, and repel the thing we want the most in partnership.
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My heart broke into a million pieces knowing I had hurt him while trying to protect myself. In that moment I knew I only had one choice: tell him what I was so afraid of.
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I had, in my early childhood development, conflated angst and fear with love. And so I was hyper vigilant in my connections with people whom I got close with, and it would literally drive me crazy.
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I wish I could tell you I was exaggerating. I wish I could tell you the spiritual life is as sparkly and magic and pain-free as the internet makes it look. This is truly what it's like when you're living your own path and no one else's.
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