The danger of feedback culture.

Hi my loves.

I've been having this conversation a LOT with my clients who work in corporate environments which praise "feedback." Together we've been untangling places where they've gotten into trouble and inadvertently damaged relationships both in and out of the office by offering feedback...wait for it...WITHOUT #CONSENT.

This may sound fierce, but this behavior is running rampant and needs to stop. Just because you feel empowered to tell someone how they're impacting you, doesn't mean you're "clear" or in the right and that you should just unleash "your truth" and say what you see. Without consent, that's emotional and energetic violation.

Often times, those offering the most ruthless feedback have been empowered to _project_ onto other people without taking responsibility for how they feel themselves. More often than not, feedback is coming from a place of judgment and not compassion, and that needs to change, pronto.

When I work with organizations and individuals, this is one of the very first things we address. Because heads up: what you see in others exists _in you_. This is how the brain works. You would not be able to recognize the behavior if you didn't also do it in some way, and if you feel so compelled to give a person feedback that you're not willing to ask for consent first, chances are likely their behavior is _triggering_ you.

If you're triggered, THE ABSOLUTE LAST THING YOU SHOULD BE DOING IN THAT MOMENT IS GIVING SOMEONE ELSE FEEDBACK.

You should be handling your trigger, which looks like regulating your own nervous system.

Let's break this down into some clear tenets you can follow to improve feedback culture in your organization and the way you relate in your relationships:

1. ALWAYS get consent before offering feedback. Don't assume people are always ready and available to receive your "constructive criticism." Be okay with both yes and no. (If you're not ok with their no, then that's a dead giveaway that your feedback is more about you than it is about them)

2. Know what your own reactivity looks like, and hold yourself accountable to only give feedback when you're truly clear. If you're nervous system is activated, address the activation in yourself before addressing anyone else. (learn all about this in my three month group program, UNBOUND)

3. Instead of feedback and adjustments, give reflections and share desires. Be willing to get vulnerable and share how you are personally impacted by their behavior, and what you desire instead. Positive reinforcement of what you want — instead of criticism of what you don't want — is way more likely to generate results.

If you work in a corporation which praises feedback culture and you see room for improvement, reach out and ask me about my corporate workshop and training offerings. I’d be happy to support you.