Are you out of tune?
I experience the world musically. Music was my first language and I was born with perfect pitch — I could sing before I could walk — and I learned to read music long before I learned to read actual words. My ears are hard-wired to sense when something, or someone, is out of tune (including myself!), in the same way I can also hear when a note is played out of tune on an instrument.
Here are some things that make you out of tune:
Lack of integrity: what you say, what you think, and how you feel are not aligned. This can be experienced as inauthenticity.
Lack of presence: you may be physically there, but mentally, or energetically, you are somewhere else.
Over-intellectualizing: when the heart is offline and the brain is working overtime, the voice has a completely different frequency to when it is. It sounds more “shallow” when it’s intellect dominant, and has more “gravity” when the mind is in harmony with the heart.
Victim Mindset: When we believe/act/behave as though we are victims* of our current reality, we are not honoring the true, empowered, responsible, sovereign, self. This one gets a disclaimer, because of course there are situations in which one is truly a victim, but you’d be amazed to discover just how often we believe we are victimized by realities that we have created and chosen (consciously or unconsciously), most often through the way we think about ourselves and others.
Relationships can be out of tune for a number of reasons, usually because one or both people are out of tune with themselves (see above), and also:
Unresolved Resentment: Resentment makes it impossible to be present, because we are re-sending past trespasses into the present moment through our thinking.
Unexpressed Expectations: We expect people to show up in the ways we think are “normal” or “correct” according to our rule book, but have never checked our expectations with them, or with ourselves.
Attachment: This falls into a similar theme as expectations; we are attached to things being how we expect them to be.
Assumptions: We think we know what the other person means when they say something, but because we never asked, we can’t be sure. We continue to operate based on those assumptions without ever getting clarity. Sometimes we assume correctly, but sometimes, we don’t.
Unmet Needs: Usually at the root, most people don’t actually know what their true needs are. And many will avoid investigating what those needs are for fear of finding out, and then being confronted with the reality that something life-altering might need to change.
Evolution: one person is growing and changing their inner landscape, and becoming more self-aware, and the other person isn’t, or, they are growing and changing in different directions.
(this is a non-exhaustive list and there are lots of other reasons related to mental health and stress which I won’t list here)
At the core of all the work I do with my students, I’m teaching them both how to recognize what makes them out of tune, how to notice when it’s happening, and what to do about it.
I posted a simple video today on social media that breaks down how this could “sound” using my piano. :) Sometimes when we start to evolve and become more aware, we might seem out of tune to former versions of ourselves, and in our relationships, when in fact we’re actually changing pitch entirely and working to discover our own frequency or key.
Discovering your correct frequency and key is what I call living an “unbound” life. You are no longer unconsciously matching pitch with the world around you, or the people in your life, but rather, you’re building the strength to both discover your key and frequency, and stay in it, in all areas of your life. This includes building the capacity to hold the dynamic tension of changing keys in the first place.
This is a lifelong journey, and, embarking on it requires some important tools and life skills, which I’ve bundled together to make up my three month Unbound program that I run twice a year. In addition to our seven bi-weekly calls, each participant gets a Heart Atlas, a personalized 60+ page Gene Keys report, which reveals to them what their unique notes and frequency actually are!
I’m sure I’m not the only one who has noticed the current state of the world. I honestly cannot think of a better time than now to start making sure you know what being in tune with yourself actually feels like. In a world that is horribly out of tune, best to not accidentally be matching pitch with something, including obsolete ideas about who you are, that could ultimately be hugely detrimental to your well-being, and your relationships.
The next cohort of Unbound starts this Wednesday, April 2nd, at 7pm CEST. Will you join us?